September 19, 2011
by Kim Childs, CPPC
Three years ago today I was stopped at a red light near Harvard Square on a sunny afternoon when it hit me. A Chrysler minivan, to be precise. A traveling salesman from Cleveland, oblivious to the stopped cars in front of him, was talking on his cell phone as he plowed right into my little Corolla. Today, I’m actually kind of grateful to him.
The rear-end collision left me with whiplash, and a frozen shoulder that lasted for months. While super painful at the time, the injury allowed me to take a much needed break from teaching yoga without having to tell my students that I was, in truth, burned out. It also took me on a healing journey that introduced me to my talented acupuncturist and my equally talented personal injury lawyer, a man who actually uses the word “broads” in conversation, but whose wily ways secured enough compensation to help me pay my medical expenses, buy a few goodies, and grow my savings.
But the biggest impact of that collision is how it changed my own driving, because I used to be one of “those.” You know…a…tailgater…sometimes. I cringe to admit it. And it’s especially embarrassing to reveal that I occasionally did it on the way to teach yoga, yelling things like “Choose a lane, buddy!” a mere ten minutes before presenting myself as Ms. Equanimity on the mat. I’m truly lucky that none of my victims ever stopped short, and I call them victims because I was an aggressor during those tense moments in the driver’s seat. Now I’m keenly aware of tailgaters behind me, feeling the anxiety that I must have caused others as the skin on the back of my neck begins to tighten and my blood starts to boil. I considered buying a nasty bumper sticker, but decided that tailgaters aren’t likely to heed them. It was fun to peruse the choices, however, like, “Back Off – I’m Not That Kind of Car,” and my favorite, “Are You Following Jesus this Closely?”
Today I always leave plenty of space between me and the vehicle ahead of me, and I leave earlier for appointments so I don’t have to speed. But don’t start envisioning a halo over my head because I still make and take cell phone calls while driving, and I often risk getting pulled over for a DWG (Driving While Grooming) as I apply mascara or tweeze an errant hair behind the wheel. Nonetheless, I am consciously trying to become a safer, saner driver. I’d like to imagine that others are doing the same, but what I see through my windshield (and in my rearview mirror) tells me otherwise.
The other day I had this thought: maybe it’s time to start inspecting not just cars, but drivers. What if, once a year, an inspector could ride beside us for 20 minutes and watch for things like good judgment, rule obedience, alertness, and, dare I say it, patience and courtesy? I wonder how many drivers would pass? Probably the same three people who slow down for yellow lights, make a complete stop at stop signs, and truly yield when entering highway traffic (and rotaries, folks!).
My bedroom sits above an intersection with a delayed green light. It’s also a popular cut-through route for commuters. This means that I’m often awakened by loud car stereos and even louder attempts to imitate favorite singers. Occasionally I’m serenaded by a cool baby blue Cadillac that plays classic jazz as it passes (thank you, my mystery driver). But all too often, and many times when I’m praying, my ears are assaulted by the angry honking and verbal violence of livid morning drivers who feel that the person ahead of them is ruining their life (i.e. causing them to miss the green light). Some of the incidents border on road rage.
We’re all so impatient, over stimulated, and wired for multitasking that it’s no wonder we’re crashing into each other. God forbid we just focus on driving as we drive. And whatever happened to silence? The other day as I was pumping gas, I heard voices coming from the…pump(!)…where a small TV screen was replaying the latest pre-season football highlights. I don’t know about you, but I really don’t need to be entertained while I fill up my car. And yet I’m not immune to Monkey Mind syndrome. I still catch myself reaching for the cell phone a few minutes into a long drive because, well, I have the time to talk.
But there are those precious times when I’m quiet and contemplative behind the wheel, letting my own thoughts entertain me and allowing for some space to arise between those thoughts. Sometimes I’ll even pray or chant in the car, glancing at my dashboard altar where Buddah reminds me to calm down and find peace in the driver’s seat. Like any good spiritual practice, it only works if I work it.
And so I try, one mile at a time.
Kim Childs, CPPC, is a Certified Life and Career Coach specializing in Positive Psychology, Creativity, and Midlife Transitions. Click here to learn more and schedule an initial consultation.