A Life Coach Shares a Hard Life Lesson
May 26, 2024
by Kim Childs, CPPC
Memorial Day weekend stirs up memories my first wedding, which took place on a beautiful afternoon in this 
little circle on the pond. Alas, it was not an easy or lasting marriage, and I ended it after six years of trying to make it work. Countless lessons were learned the hard way in that relationship, by two good people who weren’t good for each other as husband and wife.
It took me years – and a village – to recover from the failure of that dream of partnership and family, largely because my own family began to dissolve from death, disease, and the collateral damages of loss around the same time as the divorce.
And then the pandemic compounded the grief, trauma, and loneliness.
Why share something so painful and personal in public? Because I’m a life coach, and sometimes my own life story is inspirational and sometimes it’s instructional.
In the months leading up to my marriage, I had deep, inexplicable stomach pains. My body was warning me. I had other clear signs, too, that I overrode and defied, because I wanted to be married. I loved him, he loved me, and I was in my 40s and feeling done with dating and waiting. I desperately wanted to share my life with someone. It was also an adventure, a new experience, and my love of those things pushed me to see it through, despite intuitive firings telling me it was the wrong choice.
So, in addition to going ahead with my choice despite strong warnings from my inner knowing, I was largely coming from a perspective of lack and scarcity in making that choice. I was mostly running from something I didn’t want any more – being alone – versus running toward something that felt right, true, and good. It’s a perspective I offer my clients when they feel desperate to leave miserable jobs or other circumstances and they haven’t thought enough about what they desire instead and want to “just quit” and grab the first new offer that comes their way.
Even after the divorce, I clung to the relationship longer than was healthy for either of us. It’s that part that I’ve mostly had to forgive myself for, and I mostly have, because I understand the reasons I didn’t want to let go.
If someone had shown me the movie of how it would all play out – how hard the marriage would be, how I’d lose myself for awhile and start losing my family after losing a husband, and how a pandemic would change life for all of us in the mix of all that, I’d have said “Hell no!” instead of “I do.”
But we don’t get that preview. Instead, we get the rear view and try to do better, going forward.
Today I bless my first marriage and the two of us, for the love that was there, for trying to be life partners despite significant and unworkable differences, and for the good parts and sweet memories that make me want to try again.
And I will, with both eyes and heart wide open this time, and deep respect for my intuitive guidance. I’m also carrying forward appreciation for what mistakes and failure taught me, gratitude for a second chance with the right man for me now, and readiness to do so much better. 💞
Kim Childs, CPPC, is a Certified Life and Career Coach specializing in Positive Psychology, creativity, and life transitions. Click here to learn more and schedule an initial consultation.